What’s the story you’ve been telling yourself?

This was Mike Dooley’s assignment on Day 8 of the Infinite Possibilities Project.  At first, my response was same old, same old.  And then, my answer WHACKED me with such force that I had to write this to him, to ME:

#infinitepossibilitiesproject Day 8.

The layers of protection sloughed off today with an AMAZING alacrity. I read the first line of your instructions, Mike Dooley, and my response to the question “What story have you been telling yourself over and over?” jumped into my awareness.

I’m not worthy.

I could feel myself working feverishly to sweep those words under a layer somewhere, but, instead, stood next to its full power over me. This has been a growing awareness, but sometimes, the power of that sense of unworthiness overwhelms even the strongest determination. Today, it just came. And I stayed with it.

compassion for yourself

compassion for yourself

And here’s Part One of my new story:

My life really blasted off in 2016 when I started looking forward instead of back, while enjoying one day at a time in the present. That’s when I began in earnest and with GREAT DEVOTION to allow myself to receive the blessings all around me. I’d frequently seen them, even acknowledged them, but that old sense of “I’m not worthy” held me captive. And I could never fully embrace them, could never fully take them in as part of me and for me.

2016 brought me an amazing sense of space and of myself in that space, growing as tall as my favorite trees, with branches and roots spread widely and deeply, embracing all around me and drawing them close, especially those people who had loved me for years.

I stopped working against myself by speaking in sarcasm and out of fear and I started speaking with love. No more masks because I KNEW that I was strong enough to face my demons, manage them, and thrive and USE those demons to help me love and reach people in their own fears. More than ever before, I was able to see how deeply embedded had been what I believed was truth (and denied)–“I’m not worthy.” In 2016, I was able to relieve that pain, that shame, that history, that story.

I stripped away the layers that I’d been dabbling with, moving in and out and about, but which always gripped me in their claws and instead, got right to the core of my truest self and lived from there. I glowed. I felt freer than I ever had to write and teach from my heart, with my words dancing off my tongue and my pen in the moment. It was a consistent, continual performance of what I’d only occasionally permitted in myself before 2016.

That divinity within me flowed forth….

What a turning point 2016 was. And what a gift I found through the #infinitepossibilitiesproject.

I found AND BELIEVED that I am worthy.

And now I weep with gratitude that this is so.

Many Blessings to you, Mike Dooley, and to all on this journey.

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